If you lined up all the stretch limos in LA

General — July 19, 2010 at 14:50

If you lined up all the stretch limos in LA…? We never find ours and have to cadge a lift with someone else. This limo driver also doesn’t know LA so we have to direct him via the intercom phone in the back We party hop for a while Celebs everywhere and they treat me as if .. I was a celeb Amazing I notice that I’m leaving much bigger tips. Nic does win and makes a nice speech, but forgets to mention Annie until the last moment where his mind clearly goes quite blank. “I see,” I thought to myself, grinning cheerfully to the cameras in case they wanted a reaction shot, which they didn’t.Next we went into TV award hell, something that blissfully will be absent from the Oscars, and which alone makes the Oscars special. “And the award for child acting in a day-time soap goes to…” Elisabeth [Shue, co-star of Leaving Las Vegas] doesn’t get her award, Sharon does and she says exactly what she’d told me she’d say, “No one is more surprised than I am.” She says a lot more and the tele-prompter behind us (but in front of her) starts to flash something like “Get off! Get off!” Sharon has had to deal with far worse than that and takes her time. This was because the event was being sponsored by a champagne company and they’d insisted that the only alcohol in evidence had to be theirs.

Huge bottles of champagne were opened and placed on every table I never saw anyone drink any What a waste Water, on the other hand, had to be paid for. The live telecast began and I watched the cameramen and crew with real admiration as they wiggled their way through the sardine seating and lined up the correct shot for the next nomination. “Excuse me, are you so and so?” “No, that’s him there.” “Thanks a lot, pal.” For some reason the Director awards were very early on and I clapped heartily as Mel Gibson went up to thank the world. She also gave me a brooch to wear for good luck, but I couldn’t find anything to pin it on to so I brought it in my pocket in case we bumped into each other, at which point I’d have whipped it out, so to speak, and held it to my chest or somewhere.The airline food was served and the wine wasn’t too bad, until they took it all away. Without wanting to name-drop, I can tell you that I’d spent the afternoon just the day before with Ms Stone and she’d shown me her outfit (Valentino, of course) and her closet. Apparently some early arrivals, not happy with their table’s proximity to the stage, have switched table numbers and a modicum of anarchy and confusion is rife.

Seasoned waiters seem to have spotted the ruse, but are unable to find the culprits. Heads are swivelling as celebs are spotted: Tom, Nicole, Mel, Michelle, Nic, Patricia, Tom (the other one), Sean (the elder), Pitt (the younger), Meryl and, of course, Sharon. Are you nervous?” (No.) “What do you think your chances are at the Oscars?” (Haven’t a clue.)Once inside we make our way to the table, which has a number and place names. The limo driver is an extremely nice man from the East Coast who doesn’t know his way around town so I, the Brit, direct him …We eventually arrive at the Beverly Hilton, the venue for a lot of these awards. They have laid out a massively long red carpet on which we walk into the hotel. It is now at saturation point and as we step on to its thick luxuriance, we sink up to our ankles in wet carpet, stopping every three or four yards to chat to the press, the way we’ve all seen Charles and Di do on walkabouts The press are safely cordoned off behind rope barriers Flash, flash, flash “Mike .. Mike, this way, CNN, Mike, BBC, Mike Did you ever think this little old film would? …